There is a fine line between working hard and overworking yourself. Once you breach this line the negatives start to outweigh the positives, and the power of the positives start diminishing.
Hard work is necessary for you to be successful, but not at the expense of your health and well-being. You are no good to anyone (including yourself) if you do not have a healthy body and mind. All the money, success and power in the world will might not be able to cure any irreparable damage you do to yourself along the way.
It’s crucial to understand when your health and well-being is being affected by your work and do something about it. If you are experiencing a temporary increase in workload then you may be able to power through without too much damage, but if it looks like an ongoing or permanent situation then it might be time to make a change.
The first step to making a change is identifying that there is an issue. Here are a few signs that your work may be affecting your well-being:
This list of symptoms is clearly not exclusive to work related issues, but if your overworked schedule coincides with the start of some of these symptoms then consider that there may be a link.
If you are overworked, then your productivity is going to suffer. You may be able to get away with this sometimes without too much damage, but there are also times when it just becomes counter-productive to continue.
Imagine writing a blog post for example when your fuel tank is empty, and your brain is suffering as a result. You might continue to increase the word count, but what you are writing is likely start to less value or even make less sense than if you were full of energy and drive. You might even start waffling, and droning on, and getting more boring, and getting more tedious, and going on, and on, ok time for me to take a break.
Learn to recognize when your productivity may have started to drop and do something about it. Try taking a break and coming back to your work when you feel that your energy and morale are replenished. This might mean coming back to it the next morning.
When you re-start, recap over your work and check for mistakes – if you start spotting some then your decision to take a break will be instantly justified. Even if there are no mistakes, you are much more likely to be more productive now that you are in a better frame of mind.
For more information on how resting can boost your productivity, take a look at this resource.
Overworking will inevitably lead to increased levels of stress. The best way to overcome the stress in this situation is, you guessed it, to realign your work-life imbalance.
Stress is our body’s reaction to change that requires an adjustment or response. It’s that emotional or physical tension you feel, usually brought about by an unwanted event or thoughts that make you feel angry, scared, nervous, embarrassed or frustrated.
Unless you consign yourself to living in a Monastery, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to avoid your body reacting with stress from time to time, but you can learn to recognize when it is happening and do something about it.
Stress doesn’t need to be something that you have to tolerate indefinitely in order to be successful. Here are a few tips to help you reduce work-related stress:
No matter what your line of work, we all need to exercise creativity at times to help us along the way. This may be literal creativity if you are a designer or artist, or creativity to overcome a business challenge or new way of working to stand out from the competition.
Whatever the specific requirements for creativity, you are much more likely to execute effectively with a clear and positive mind. Allow your brain the space and opportunity to help you find the solutions you need. Don’t act out of desperation, anger or frustration. This rarely ends well.
Here are some researched suggestions to help you boost your creativity when you need it:
If you can build in more breaks for yourself from work, especially when you close off a project or before you start a new one, then you free up more time for social interaction. No need to continue suffering from FOMO.
The age old saying ‘it’s who you know, not what you know’ still carries some weight in the modern world so you need to take advantage.
Books like ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ champion the benefits and methods of increasing your network of friends and acquaintances. Here are some tips to help you win people over and effectively increase your network:
Work just feels so much more like something you want to do when you are in the right frame of mind and you have taken some time to remind yourself what it’s like to have fun.
Not all of us are lucky enough for our work to also be our passion. For many it is a source of income to provide for ourselves and our families. You appreciate your work and income more when you allow some time to enjoy it. Make the time.
Reward yourself for progress, keep doing the activities you love and limit the number of sacrifices you make so that you don’t break the tipping point from prioritization to self-destruction. You need to feel motivated in order to be efficient and produce your best work. Remind yourself of this regularly and take the appropriate course of action.
For a more in depth look at suggested steps for success, check out our post on 10 steps for success.
There can be no denying that family is a crucial aspect of a person’s wellbeing and happiness throughout life. We all have different relationships with out families, but the importance of having strong and healthy relationships with the right people is universal.
Don’t let your family life suffer too much for the sake of your work. Your success will always feel limited without the right people to share it with.
To back up our argument on the importance of family, here are some benefits you may not know about having a healthy family life:
We hope you have found these 7 benefits of a work-life balance useful and as always please do share your comments, questions and opinions.
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It takes over a year on average to get through the compulsory training, assuming you can last that long. Let’s break it down to give you a better idea of what is involved:
Before you can even attempt to become a SEAL, you would need to undergo 8 weeks of physical screening to assess and increase your ability to begin the official training. What is expected in this preparation? Well examples include:
Aside from being one of the most masculine-sounding training courses we have heard of, these 24 weeks are designed to test mental and physical stamina, as well as leadership.
After a 3-week orientation, the training is broken down into phases of 7 weeks that focus on:
The physical training builds up in difficulty and the fourth week is notoriously referred to as “Hell Week”. When you consider what’s involved, the name sounds pretty justified:
You may want to put this into perspective the next time you talk yourself out of visiting the gym due to fatigue or laziness.
Clearly an impressive amount of physical conditioning is needed to make it through training designed to push your body to its limits, but we re-iterate that the mental fortitude is equally as crucial (more on this later).
Can you really call yourself a man until you have learnt in 3 weeks to jump from at least 9,500 feet wearing combat gear? Not to worry, this part of the course enables you to check that off the bucket list.
During this period the course moves on to more advanced tactical and strategic training. Skills are honed in:
And there you have it; once you have breezed through this year you will be granted one of the classifications of a Navy SEAL. Do you feel mentally prepared for something like this? I would take a leisurely gap year to give it a go, but unfortunately I’m not a US citizen or in the navy so I’m going to have to rule it out for now.
Well if you consider that the estimated attrition rate for the enlisted SEAL qualification is 73-75%, you can appreciate even more just how difficult an accomplishment this is.
If the physical requirements don’t catch you out, the mental or medical will still be there to test your full capacity.
In his New York Times bestselling memoir ‘The Red Circle: My Life in the Navy SEAL Sniper Corps and How I Trained America’s Deadliest Marksmen’, Brandon Webb wrote that you don’t actually need to be a “super athlete” to make it through SEAL training. Webb claimed that “What SEAL training really tests is your mental mettle. It is designed to push you mentally to the brink, over and over again”.
So this is the ultimate test. You either come out hard enough to face any odds without fear, or you break. With this in mind, let’s look at techniques you can use to build your mental strength like a Navy SEAL.
Before we dive in, we should clarify that this post isn’t specifically aimed at people aspiring to become Navy SEALS or gain other forms elite, military-related qualifications. The goal is to learn from the techniques that Navy SEAL’s use as they are an amazing benchmark for mental capacity and strength as a whole.
Mental toughness is a great skill to have for all situations in life. Nobody makes it through life unaffected by challenges that push you to the edge. Whether they are personal, work-related, physical or caused by tragedy, we will all be tested regularly and need to be prepared to persevere as best we can.
We have taken the time to do thorough research; looking at an abundance of relevant information, resources and memoirs to be able to make recommendations for how to boost your mental strength. For reference, our research includes:
With our research gathered and analyzed, here is a condensed list of techniques to help you grow your mental toughness, inspired by the Navy SEAL’s.
Visualization techniques have gained popularity in modern times. One of the most prominent references to this type of technique was published in The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The Secret in this context is essentially the ‘law of attraction’. In other words, whatever it is that consumes your thoughts is where you will eventually end up.
The concept of visualization is simple; imagine that your goals and ambitions are already completed, and in turn you can accelerate your path there. It is important to understand that this is a technique to help increase your probability and speed of success, it will not lead to results without action or if you get complacent.
By visualizing where you want to get to on a repetitive basis, you can program your mind to start preparing and generating ideas to help get you there. If you believe in the law of attraction then you might be conscious of when the people, resources and the luck that you need start finding their way to you.
Another useful method within visualization is that of mental rehearsal. Popular among athletes and actors, this involves taking your brain vividly through the steps that you are going to need take, in preparation for actually taking them when it matters most. You can imagine how this would be useful to a Navy SEAL. For them, the stakes are be about as high as they get in a real combat situation.
When you are visualizing it is important to paint a picture in your mind of the outcome you want. Focus on it obsessively. As this article demonstrates, pictures are remembered more effectively by the brain. Create these visual representations for all of your individual goals on a daily basis. Repetition is important. Repetition is important (see what I did there)?
You can take things a step further with affirmations. These are short, positive sentences you say to yourself to help change your behaviors and habits to match your required objectives. Affirmations can motivate you, fill you with optimism and positivity. Don’t underestimate their effectiveness – try committing to some affirmations for a reasonable amount of time (at least 30 days) and with an open mind.
This moves beyond visualization into and into action. Here you will start to practice doing what you need to master, but with the dedication and concentration as if it’s the real thing.
For a Navy SEAL this may involve simulated combat training, allowing them to engage in situations they may face for real in the future. Whilst the simulation won’t risk fatalities, they will be trained to approach it as if it would, otherwise it’s effectiveness would be mitigated.
In situations like this you only get one chance. For the everyday person you may not be risking life or death, but when the relevant circumstances present themselves you may only get one shot at taking advantage of the opportunity at hand.
Imagine an amateur actor getting an audition for a major movie, an Olympian about to run in the 100m finals, or a professional soccer player taking a penalty in a cup final. Whatever the opportunity might look like for you, simulate it relentlessly so you feel more confident and ready to take it on with success when the time comes.
The challenges in front of us can be daunting, sometimes to the point that they seem insurmountable. Success doesn’t come easy so you should expect to be put into these situations on a regular basis.
You may not be able to avoid or circumvent some of these challenges, so it’s good practice to learn to tackle them in way that is proven to be beneficial; break them down into smaller, manageable goals.
Climbing a mountain in a day might not be feasible, but you can get there step by step. The key is consistent progress. Smaller goals will reduce the risk of you becoming overwhelmed or freezing up and help give your motivation a welcome boost as you overcome them one by one.
You should also consider your ultimate objective from a long, medium and short-term perspective. It would be prudent to start long-term and then build down to medium and short-term as stepping-stones towards the big picture.
Depending on the circumstances of what you are trying to achieve, you may need to stay flexible and adaptable. Even the perfect plan can run into unforeseen road blocks and you must be able to adapt or risk failure.
This is easier said than done, particularly in highly stressful situations where your body may be pumping adrenaline or cortisol around your system at a greatly increased rate.
So what can you do to help train yourself to manage your emotions effectively? An interesting place to start is by familiarizing yourself with some of the philosophies of the Stoics. We discuss this in more detail in our post on Authentic vs Toxic Masculinity (see the section on what is Stoicism).
With Marcus Aurelius among the notable followers of this philosophy, the Stoics advocated the ability to see reason and logic before being overwhelmed by your emotions. There are exercises and quotes to help you in the 'Authentic Masculinity' blog post mentioned above.
Another useful approach that is often applied to emotional control, particularly in highly stressful situations, is effective breathing techniques. Before you dismiss this as something reserved for Yogi’s (we love and advocate Yoga by the way), consider that it is practiced by the Navy SEAL's.
Sometimes referred to as ‘4 by 4 for 4’, a Navy SEAL is trained to breathe in for 4 seconds, out for 4 seconds, and repeat for 4 minutes. So if you’re one of those people that think breathing techniques are flaky, take it up with a Navy SEAL.
Our final suggestion for better emotional control is regular meditation, something that we recommend in a number of our posts. The benefits are substantial and include heightened self-awareness, reduced blood pressure, better sleep, reduced stress and anxiety, and of course better emotional control.
For evidence-based examples of how meditation can help, take a look at point 4 in our post on The Best Morning Routine for Success
This is a technique that teaches you to look differently on a situation by changing its meaning or adapting your view on it. The idea is to reform negative views into more positive ones. Let’s consider some examples in different situations.
Example 1: on a recent night out, you took the phone number of a hot girl and sent her a message the next day suggesting you meet up. It’s been 24 hours and you haven’t heard anything back. Your brain may start thinking she isn’t interested, she regrets giving you her number or another similarly negative thought.
Time to re-frame. Look at the situation again, but now with the perspective that she is just busy, or perhaps she really likes you so she doesn’t want to seem to keen or wants to take time to write a great reply. Negative now turned into a positive.
Example 2: you go for an interview for a job that you are really keen on; it’s more money and more responsibility. Unfortunately, you are unsuccessful – you can imagine some of the thoughts and emotions that might taking over.
Re-frame. What positives can be taken from this situation? More responsibility would have likely meant less time; you have more time available to spend with your family, up-skill yourself or start a side hustle. Perhaps this job wasn’t meant to be, and a better opportunity is around the corner. This is not the end of the world.
Example 3: time to use a Navy SEAL memoir. In his book Breaking BUDS/S, D.H. Xavier shares the following example of how he re-framed a situation where he was being pushed to feel incapable of succeeding:
“My belief could have been that they truly didn’t want me there; the consequence of that belief would have been me quitting. Instead, my belief was that I didn’t care what they said. I believed I was capable of succeeding”
The technique of re-framing is not something that you are likely to master overnight. If you believe in the value of its concept, then you will need some patience and determination to see it through. It takes us 66 days on average to form a new habit so give it time.
Start by attempting to re-frame the next situation where it might be useful. Identify the problem, challenge your negative assumptions and re-frame the circumstances. Believe in your new perspective, back yourself. If you can learn to master this, it’s an amazing addition to your skill set.
An innate requirement for most human beings is to feel a sense of purpose and belonging. It is important to understand that your life has meaning, even when events in the world make you feel the opposite.
Mark Manson takes an interesting perspective on this on his website. He suggests that “We exist on this earth for some undetermined period of time. During that time we do things. Some of these things are important. Some are unimportant.”
Manson goes on to conclude that “So when people say…..what is my life purpose? what they are really asking is: What can I do with my time that is important?”
This approach takes away some of the flakiness out of understanding purpose and gives you a realistic chance of appeasing your need for meaning in a productive way. Let’s consider some question to ask yourself that might help:
Having meaning can also be influenced by your connection to others and feeling part of something greater than you. A great resource that takes a modern view on this is the book Tribes by Seth Godin.
In his book Godin suggest that ‘Tribes’ are everywhere and defines them in essence as a group of people connected to each other, a leader and an idea. He then challenges the normal way of thinking “that without authority we can’t lead” and suggests “the secret is realizing that wrong isn’t fatal” and instead you should “Do what you believe in. Paint a picture of the future. Go there. People will follow.”
As I wrap up this post I hope there are a couple of things you can take away from it that will provide benefit to you on your journey to wherever you have visualized you need to be. If that is the case, then it has done its job.
You don’t need to go through official Navy SEAL training in order to have the mental strength to survive life’s challenges and come out the other side stronger for it. It is something you can learn – the information you need is available. It’s down to you to take action.
As always, feedback on our content is welcomed and encouraged. I visualized this post as being beneficial and will re-frame any negative feedback as opportunities to better my content anyway, so feel free to share your opinions, comments and questions in the comments box below.
]]>Throughout this article we explore some of the concepts of masculinity and look for historic, scientific and anecdotal evidence as to how we can leverage authentic masculinity for positive purposes. Read on to discover valuable information towards your personal development.
Let’s start by exploring the concept of toxic masculinity.
The phrase toxic masculinity is usually associated with beliefs and behaviors with the potential to be counter productive and even harmful to yourself and society. The perception of masculinity itself can be dependent on the culture and environment you were raised in and where you live. As you read this article you are therefore likely to put things into the context of your specific beliefs, which may be influenced by the society you are used to. We will take an objective view for this reason.
If you consider some of the most common and traditional stereotypes of masculinity, men are seen as hunters and providers, needing to display power, dominance and keep distance from weakness and vulnerability. Whilst you can argue both for and against the traditional views of masculinity, a need for dominance has the potential to tip over the edge and lead to destruction if it’s not controlled and we are not conscious of the impacts our actions can have on the people and world around us.
So how do you separate healthy masculinity from that which could be classed as toxic? Well let’s start by taking a look at some specific examples of what behaviors can fall into toxic masculinity:
If you display some of these behaviors, then you should consider the following:
The most extreme cases that can be linked to toxic masculinity often make the headlines, sometimes internationally. Here are some examples of these extreme instances:
These types of extreme situations clearly can’t be attributed purely to issues of masculinity, but the point remains that societies and cultures around the world need to do more to help restrain the misguided views or beliefs that contribute to inevitable tragedy.
Change on a large scale requires the input and support of many individuals. Whilst you can’t always control the views and actions of others, you can control your own.
Let’s now explore masculinity and the male psyche from another angle and take a look at the concept of stoicism.
Firstly, if you are wondering how to pronounce stoicism, it can be broken down into ‘stow-uh-si-zm’. It’s a topic that is often misunderstood and sometimes unfairly associated only to people who lack feelings or emotions.
Founded by Zeno, stoicism is a philosophy of personal ethics and was designed to help guide followers to happiness (referred in the teachings as eudaimonia). Whilst we wouldn’t go as far as to recommend you necessarily follow stoicism as a philosophy, some of its teachings are useful and relevant to our discussion.
Stoics believe that happiness is more achievable by living in the present, mitigating the consequences of your desires for pleasure or the fear of pain, and treating others fairly and justly. Particularly popular in the Roman and Greek era around the 3rd Century, a high profile follower was Emperor Marcus Aurelius.
When you consider our topic of authentic masculinity, there is perhaps some value to be gained by the importance that stoicism places on self-control in overcoming potentially destructive emotions, and its objective to support your ethical and moral well-being in the pursuit of happiness.
There are 4 cardinal virtues in stoicism:
There is some synergy here with traits that that are likely to help you become successful. You can read more about that in our post on 11 key traits and 116 inspirational quotes.
To expand further on this, let’s look at some exercises that a stoic might practice (put into plain language from the teachings):
As you read these example stoic practices, you may start to connect some of them to traits seen in many successful people. Whether that is because they follow stoicism, use parts of it they find useful or it’s just a coincidence, the connection is there.
Our view on the stoic philosophy is that it is certainly a useful thing to be aware of, and there are some definite benefits to be learned on your journey to be the successful man you want to be, with strong morals and integrity. It may help you to accept the curve-balls life throws at us, to see the opportunities instead of dwelling in self-sympathy, and to prevent allowing your feelings or emotions to undermine your ability to see reason or logic.
Remember, we are not suggesting that you hide or relinquish your emotions, quite the contrary, learn to use them to your advantage and don’t be afraid to have them and talk about them. Just do it in the right way.
For a little added inspiration, let’s round of the section on stoicism with some useful quotes from it’s famous followers:
“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” – Marcus Aurelius
“If it is not right, do not do it, if it is not true, do not say it” – Marcus Aurelius
“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself” – Marcus Aurelius
“We are more frightened than hurt; and we suffer more in imagination than reality” - Seneca
“He who fears death will never do anything worth of a man who is alive” – Seneca
“Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present and fear the future” – Seneca.
“How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?” - Epicetus
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do” – Epicetus
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” – Viktor Frankl
Man conquers the world by conquering himself” – Zeno
Ok, so far we hopefully have a better understanding of what toxic masculinity is, and how some stoic principles can help counter it. Now we move on to take a look at what are traditionally regarded as masculine traits and explore their pro’s and con’s.
Let’s start out with highlighting the caveat that this can be a subjective question. We mentioned at the beginning of this article how the society and environment that you are used to can influence your perception of masculinity, and so it may be the case for this section.
For the purposes of objectivity, we will firstly explore the four different types of masculinity and their relationships with each other.
Hegemonic masculinity promotes the stereotypical heterosexual values. It supports the dominant position of males in society, is influenced by a stigmatization of homosexuality and justifies a subordinate positioning for women and the less-dominant male population.
Typically associated traits include someone who is white, physically strong, highly competitive, shows consistent signs of anger or aggression in their approach and is unable or unwilling to express general emotions or weakness. Added to this is an inferior view of feminine attributes, whether in men or women.
How does this sound? Do you know people or are you someone who would fit into this category? As a matter of fact, this tends to be a very common form of masculinity across Western society as well as many other parts of the world. Not only that, but it is often celebrated and even seen as the standard of masculinity to aspire to.
Try now referring back to our section on toxic masculinity. Cross reference the attributes and see if you spot connections with hegemonic masculinity.
Men that fall into this category are usually perceived as lacking some of the characteristics in hegemonic masculinity, but also having different qualities - occasionally in stark contrast. Sometimes associated with homosexuality, men categorized as ‘subordinate’ may have more typical feminine traits and feel more comfortable with displaying emotions.
Another contrast with hegemonic is the fact that subordinate masculinity is linked to a lack of success with women. This article explores the links with subordinate masculinity and violence, with case studies of extreme consequences. It highlights the potential for violence in need of revenge or relinquishment of subordination.
The word ‘complicit’ in this context refers to he fact that this form of masculinity is not hegemonic, but doesn’t challenge it either. The complicity may be out of choice or an acceptance for this temporary status whilst trying to achieve hegemonic masculinity.
It would be easy to treat complicity as a lesser or weaker form of hegemonic, but it does have it’s place and advantages. Consider the fact that dominance is not a permanent benefit and there are many occasions that it can be counter-productive. For example, take marriage, work, fatherhood and fitting into society and imagine if every man approached these in a dominant way. There would be chaos.
Life can often be about compromise and men who have some of the qualities or capabilities of complicit masculinity may find compromise easier and more natural. Their respect and tolerance levels may be higher as well as a greater appreciation for a more balanced society.
Don’t be fooled into thinking complicity is always weak. Sometimes it may be the smarter or even stronger approach to take. It depends on the circumstance.
If you are marginalized then you may be treated as insignificant or peripheral, and so a man falling into marginalized masculinity is perhaps unable to conform to the traditional definition of hegemonic, even if they display most of the requirements.
Characteristics out of your control, such as having a disability or being non-white can therefore lead someone towards being classified as marginalized.
Whilst these are the four types of masculinity commonly used for studies and examination of the principles of masculinity itself, you may read through them and feel like you don’t fit perfectly into a specific category. Don’t worry this is normal and quite frankly to be encouraged.
People are too diverse and unique to be categorized into one of four pre-defined brackets, and we wouldn’t expect you to try to pigeonhole yourself into any. Aside from the stigmatization, you may have some qualities of all the types of categorized masculinities.
Try to view this grouping purely as an exercise to increase your knowledge on the theory of masculinity. Supplement it with you own beliefs and the other information you have read in this post so far.
Remember that we are not trying to diminish the value or power of masculinity, quite the contrary. Masculinity can be a powerful strength if harnessed effectively, our goal is to understand what that means and what the best approach could be.
So now we have a bit more background, are we closer to understanding our original question ‘what the key traits of masculinity’? Well the frustrating answer is not really, no. This is because the key traits would depend on which type of masculinity you believe is correct (if any), and your subjective opinion.
If we were to take a traditional view from Western society, then you could argue that key traits would include things like strength, courage, leadership, assertiveness and perhaps independence. But do these traits appropriately define a good, successful man? Clearly this will not always be the case.
We explore key traits in more detail in the context of helping you become successful in our post on 11 key traits and 116 inspirational quotes. For the purposes of this article on masculinity however, we are going to go on to propose our support for a more modern form of masculinity. Authentic masculinity.
Now we are certainly not the first to coin the phrase ‘authentic masculinity’, but as a conversation about it already exists we thought we could share our opinions on the matter instead of trying to reinvent the wheel with a new term for a more modern form of masculinity. One that can be more advantageous to society.
In our opinion, in order to be able to display true authentic masculinity, you would first need to have the right amount of knowledge, awareness and self-awareness. This understanding is crucial to help you form a balanced and beneficial way forward. Hence our review of masculinity as you have read above.
Assuming your understanding is at a good level, now consider what type of characteristics and behaviors, if demonstrated in enough people, would give the most benefit to society as a whole. What is realistic and likely to achieve the most for the greater good?
We performed this exercise among ourselves and came up with an extensive list, too long to publish in this post without sending you into a hypnotic state. The next step was therefore prioritization – picking out the most important pieces that have the potential to do the most good.
So here, in no particular order, are our suggestions as to the most important characteristics for authentic masculinity, broken down into 10 points:
It is not a coincidence that some of these points are in direct opposition to our examples on toxic masculinity, but we would re-iterate again that masculinity itself can be a powerful force for progress and for good.
We have yet to meet anyone who is the perfect example of flawless masculinity. Part of being authentic is accepting your weaknesses and learning to better yourself to live with them more effectively. Giving an outward perception of authenticity is not genuine if it is not supported by your internal beliefs.
We encourage you to be yourself. Learn to understand yourself as thoroughly as possible so you know what to work on and what strengths to leverage. For more advice on how to build self-awareness read step one of our 10 steps to success.
Most of all, be mindful of the impact of your actions and behaviors on the people around you and society as a whole. We all have a part to play in making the world a better place for generations to come. Play your part - learn to be authentic.
We would love to hear your thoughts on our exploration and suggestions regarding masculinity and of this article as a whole.
What do you feel are the most important characteristics for authentic masculinity? How should we behave to be able to take the world forward for the better? Share your opinions, observations and questions in our comments box below.
]]>One point to note before we get into the 10 steps is that we are not going to share any magic formulas or specific types of businesses, products or services you need to create to be successful. We are confident that our article can add value to you, but if you are looking to cut corners and get rich or famous instantly, then this post is not for you and we would advise a strong word of caution against relying on any information that contains these types of promises.
As cliche as it sounds, whether you are successful or not will ultimately be up to you. If you study enough successful people, you will notice that there are indeed some geniuses and pioneers among them, but on the whole successful people are just normal people who were willing to go the extra mile and refused to accept defeat. And so with your expectations (hopefully) managed, on to our recommended 10 steps:
The journey to success is likely to be long and demanding, so you will need to have full awareness of the natural abilities you have at your disposal. Often, one of the most challenging parts of self-awareness is being able to be honest with yourself, it really is easier said than done.
Do you genuinely understand and more importantly accept your current strengths and weaknesses? Do you know how to leverage your abilities to maximize their advantages, and what limitations you are going to need to work on to feel confident of achieving your goals? If you are hesitant to say ‘yes’ to these questions, then you are in the majority and the good news is that it seems you can be honest with yourself.
There are very low percentage of people who really have complete self-awareness, and this has likely taken them many years of conscious, proactive and dedicated training to learn. So unless you happen to be a Grand Master Buddhist Monk, let’s assume this is still an area you can improve and take a little time to understand how we can increase self-awareness.
Given the importance of self-awareness as a topic, there are lots of tools available to help you with self-discovery. Whilst there are enough free tools to give you a reasonable insight, some of the paid tools really do have their benefits and you should try to view spending money on self-growth and understanding as an important investment.
In fact, investing in yourself is surely one of the best investments you can make. At the Unknown, these are our preferred methods of increasing self-awareness:
The practices of self-acceptance and self-responsibility are actually 2 of the 6 pillars of self-esteem. By accepting accountability for your actions in advance, you are taking a step towards acknowledging that your success is in your own hands. This is important.
We are often guilty of blaming external factors or other people for the bad decisions we make or the outcomes that went against us, but the truth is you are the one that will decide whether to make these decisions and only you are responsible for your own life. It’s ok to make mistakes, it will help you understand what not to do moving forward, but it’s crucial that you take ownership of your journey.
Believe it or not, taking action is the simple step that often separates the dreamers from those that turn their dreams into a reality. Dreaming about a successful future is healthy, it provides hope and comfort, but unless you do something about it then it will always remain a dream.
Taking action requires courage; you are likely to need to step outside of your comfort zone, open yourself up to failure and rejection, and perhaps give up more of your leisure time. You didn't expect success to be easy did you?
There are many of us who like to feel prepared before we commit to something. Research, analysis and timing are important, but again their importance is nullified without action. If lack of 'readiness' is holding you back, accept that you may never feel fully prepared to take the next step, and that action may be exactly what you need to figure everything else out.
Whether you are an aspiring athlete, artist, entrepreneur, businessman, inventor or whatever else your focus in life is, don’t wait to long to get going. You can always adapt your approach, learn from your mistakes and grow with experience. Not taking action is the only guaranteed way not to fulfill your ambitions.
Whatever you are striving to achieve, try to focus on the passion and the difference you can make as opposed to the wealth it can bring. There is nothing inherently wrong with the pursuit of wealth, fame or power, but what is truly important are your underlying reasons for seeking these things. Why is it that you want them? What would you do with them?
If you study the motivations of enough successful people you will see that money is not usually the most crucial factor in fueling the motivation and determination. It is often a by-product of exercising a talent or passion, solving a problem, or a healthy obsession with making a difference.
Walt Disney once famously said “We don’t make movies to make money, we make money to make more movies”. Look for the true motivation behind your desire for success. Let this guide you and the other benefits will come.
The ability to dream big is great gift, but it does need to be managed with patience and a continuous sense check against reality. Don’t lose sight of your vision and everything that inspired you to start your journey to success in the first place, but break your vision and ambitions down in to smaller and more manageable goals.
Some of the most motivating moments whilst chasing your ultimate goals will be discovering evidence of real progress and being able to appreciate them. It's easy to lose track of all the little steps of progress we make, lost in our obsession with our ultimate aspirations. Try your best to balance this out and make sure to monitor your progress relentlessly.
Now that you have (hopefully) committed to set yourself small goals towards the bigger picture, learn to celebrate the small wins when they come around. The most ambitious of us are often also the most self-critical, and whilst this has its advantages, by focusing too much on the negatives or areas for development, you can also find yourself missing out on the benefits of enjoying the small steps of progress.
By celebrating the small yet significant wins, you will be encouraging feelings of happiness and giving your confidence and motivation a welcome boost. It can also help you build trust with yourself and your vision by constantly acknowledging progress, even with a minor celebration or reward.
Want to see some research-based evidence of celebrating small wins? Check out this study on the Harvard Business Review website. Learn to enjoy your journey, the ups and downs are part of the ride.
There is a popular quote by Zig Ziglar who said that “repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.”
As a matter of fact, there are numerous studies that show how repetition can help your brain to identify what is important (the action that is being repeated) and boost your memory in the process. An example is this study which shows that a repetitive action can increase myelin around the brain network and in doing so help to optimize performance.
Looking at it another way, a physical example of repetition at work is when you exercise regularly in order to increase muscle mass. Your body will pick up on the repetitive physical activity and use it as a signal (given the correct amount of nutritional intake) to increase muscle size to cope more easily with the excess strain.
It’s a similar concept for improving a physical skill – take learning tennis for instance. When you are first learning you are unlikely to be much good and poor shots and technique are to be expected. However, over time your body will learn to adapt via repetition. Muscle memory will kick in and you will start to notice improvement in your ability.
The scale and limitations of the improvement will be influenced by multiple factors, and whilst we don’t all have the potential to win a Grand Slam, we are all capable of significant advancement from where we started off. A word of caution – repetition is only positive if it is on the right action. If you are repeating the wrong action then you are effectively telling your brain or body that the wrong action is what it needs to master.
So how can you evolve positive repetition into positive routines and habits? Well it’s going to take some self-discipline, persistence and patience. Change is rarely easy, but it also doesn’t need to be painstakingly difficult, so begin by reinforcing the benefits of the routine or habit you are trying to create and the consequences of not being able to make it stick.
Try to keep yourself in a positive environment, surrounded by people who can offer you support, and allow yourself adequate time to be able to accept the changes to what you previously considered normal.
Consistency is also necessary; try repeating the key activities that reinforce the routine or habit you are trying to create at a similar time and/or in a similar way each day. If you can keep at it long enough then you have a great chance of forming new positive habits and helpful routines to help you on your way.
In point 2 we talked about the importance of accepting responsibility and accountability in advance; well this commitment is likely to be tested as you get going. It’s natural to seek the opinions of others; we all have insecurities, the need for reassurance is inbuilt in most of us, and no-one is an expert at everything.
Whilst there is nothing wrong with reaching out for advice and opinions, particularly from experts in their field, trying to please everyone is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. Unless you are handing out free money, it’s highly unlikely that you will ever be able to please everyone, no matter what it is that you are doing.
Marketeers may face this problem if ever looking for an ambassador to attract new customers for a brand or business – how do you choose an ambassador that will appeal to a great enough proportion of your potential customers and cause negative connotations with the fewest? It’s not easy. If you ask 100 people their opinion on any celebrity you are likely to get a range of answers.
So assuming an ambassador is absolutely necessary and the perfect ambassador doesn't exist, what should they do? Well this may depend on risk tolerance and the specific objectives of the marketing exercise, but if we assume that the objective is to bring in the most additional profit, then the sensible option (ignoring financial variables of securing the ambassador) may be to go with someone who appeals to enough of the right type of potential customers so as to give the company a high probability of a solid return on investment. In other words, they are not trying to please everyone, just enough of the right people to give them the benefit they need.
Let’s consider a hypothetical example away from the business world. Imagine if you were responsible for organizing a group vacation for 30 people in your life; a mixture of friends, family and acquaintances. In this scenario everyone is responsible for covering their own costs. How easy do you think it would be to organize something feasible that everyone would be truly happy with? The answer is probably not easy at all.
Sure you could assume that everyone would be happy with a luxury 5 star stay in the Maldives, but the reality is likely to be different with this number of people in the mix. Perhaps some of the group can't afford a holiday like that, some may feel uncomfortable at the thought of being stuck on a small, secluded island and some will feel disappointed with the lack of available activities.
Ok now forget the Maldives and try to think about somewhere else that will work. Would you opt for somewhere with a party scene or somewhere more serene and relaxing? Should the destination be basking in sunshine and beaches or somewhere where people can ski and cosy up to a log fire? The point is that human beings are all unique individuals, with a unique set of preferences, so trying to please everybody is usually a fruitless task.
So what should you do if you need some advice or prefer to make informed and research-backed decisions? Well a thorough answer to this would depend on circumstances and context, but it will help to manage your own expectations that not everyone is going to agree with everything you do or decide and there is not likely to be a clear path forward that will appease everyone. The key is to accept this and remember that your objective should not be to please everyone.
If the consequences of your decisions will affect you the most, then the most important opinion is your own. Use the resources at hand to make the best possible decision with the information you have available at the time and then stand by your decision. You can’t do any more than that.
Obviously don’t be naïve and stubborn so as to ignore key information at your disposal, but do learn to trust your instincts. See them as an internal barometer that almost can’t be quantified. If you still end up making the wrong decision, then accept it as a learning for the future - this is bound to happen on occasion.
Life is full of risks and would be far less interesting if they were all removed. You can do your best to mitigate the downside, but we will all be caught out by it from time to time, even if we make the right decisions – just ask any professional poker player.
At the Unknown, we are not aware of a single successful person that has never made any mistakes or never experienced any failures. In fact, most super successful people have done both many more times that there less successful counterparts. There would be no progress without mistakes and failure as how would we discover the right way to go before we have ruled out some of the wrong ways?
There are plenty of examples of high-profile individuals who had to fail repeatedly before achieving success. Imagine if Thomas Edison had given up on the light bulb after his 999th failed attempt (it took him over 1,000 attempts to get it right), if Colonel Sanders had quit on his dream after rejection 1009 (1009 restaurants rejected him before one accepted his offer for a KFC franchise), or if Henry Ford had decided entrepreneurship was no longer for him when his first company went bankrupt.
Hopefully your personal ambitions will be realized with the minimal number of hurdles along the way, but do yourself some favours:
For all the energy and time you will put into your dream and vision, the sacrifices and risks you will take and the setbacks you will need to bounce back from, if you keep going a time will come when things start to work out and you notice that your progress is advancing more rapidly.
This can be a pivotal moment, be ready for it, as it may be the very moment you need to push down hard on the accelerator pedal. You are clearly doing something right so keep doing it, do it more often and do it faster and on a bigger scale if it is relevant and possible.
Don’t forget to celebrate the small wins, but understand that there is no time for complacency at key moments like this; big opportunities are usually time limited. Use opportunities like these to get yourself far enough ahead of the game that your peers and competitors will always be playing catch up. Be relentless, but not reckless, in your drive to keep pushing forward - the good times will not last forever and more challenges are always round the corner.
And so there you have it, 10 steps for success and suggestions to help you to prepare for the journey ahead. For the sake of our own self-awareness, we welcome your thoughts and feedback on this article - use our comments box below to share.
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Defining a list of key traits and characteristics for success is not a simple task. If you ask 10 people their opinion, you are likely to get 10 different answers and orders of prioritization. We are all individuals after all, with our own unique set of values, preferences and visions of what success means.
For the purpose of this post we will use The Unknown’s definition of success, namely that success is ‘the fulfillment of one’s genuine aspirations, achieved in a way that aligns with our internal values and beliefs’. For more of an insight into how and why this definition is used, take a look at our original post - what is success according to you?
In order to get a reasonable and reliable understanding of what traits are the most important, we took a three-pronged approach:
Following thorough research and countless (but highly enjoyable) hours of reading and immersing ourselves into this particular topic of success, we finally cam up with a list of 11 essential skills for life, skills that can significantly increase your chances of success (we initially wanted to have a top 10 but we could agree on which trait from the top 11 to lose so we kept them all in). These 11 traits are (in no particular order):
Strength
Courage
Perseverance
Resilience
Optimism
Patience
Integrity
Humility
Compassion
Intuition
Respect
This is a powerful list of traits, particularly when they are combined together. In fact, our research suggests that it’s the right combinations of these traits that work together to create synergy and potentially extraordinary results. Think of someone in your life who you can genuinely say is courageous, resilient and optimistic and but also patient, humble, compassionate and respectful. If you can think of anyone this describes then the chances are they are doing pretty well in life. Think of highly successful people and consider which combinations of these 11 traits they possess – again chances are that the person you are thinking of displays a number of these qualities.
You should also consider that the impact of any of these traits can be significantly diluted in isolation of others. For example, being optimistic without any of the other traits is unlikely to yield exceptional results, perseverance is often much more difficult without resilience, and someone who is strong and courageous with no patience, integrity, humility or compassion might have as much potential for destruction as they would a positive influence on the world.
Finally, you should cross reference these traits against your own natural qualities. Be honest with yourself. Which of these traits come natural to you? What have you had to work hard on, and which traits are you missing? What potential benefits could you reap if you were able to master more of these traits?
Now that you are familiarized with our list of 11 traits, in order to provide you with a motivational boost we have put together 116 short, inspirational quotes for success, broken down into each of the 11 traits.
“The strong man is strongest when alone” – Friedrich Schiller
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles" - Christopher Reeve
“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice” – Bob Marley
"Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient" - Steve Maraboli
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will" - Mahatma Gandhi
“A strong man doesn’t have to be dominant toward a woman. He doesn’t match his strength against a woman weak with love for him. He matches it against the world.” – Marilyn Monroe
“A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep” - Vernon Howard
“The difference between a strong man and a weak one is that the former does not give up after a defeat” – Woodrow Wilson
“Strong men, men who are truly role models, don’t need to put down women to make themselves feel powerful” – Michelle Obama
“Don’t wait for extraordinary opportunities, seize common occasions and make them great. Weak men wait for opportunities, strong men make them” – Orison Swett Marden
“It is the characteristic excellence of the strong man that he can bring momentous issues to the fore and make a decision about them. The weak are always forced to decide between alternatives they have not chosen themselves” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer
“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength” - Arnold Schwarzenegger
“He is a man of courage who does not run away, but remains at his post and fights the enemy” - Socrates
“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for” – Nancy D. Solomon
“Courage is grace under pressure” – Ernest Hemmingway
“Be the kind of person who dares to face life’s challenges and overcome them rather than dodging them” – Roy T Bennett
“A courageous man prefers death to the surrender of self-respect” – Mahatma Gandhi
“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness” – Martin Luther King Jr.
“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life” – Muhammad Ali
“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” – Vincent Van Gogh
“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have the strength” – Napoleon Bonaparte
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather judgement that something else is more important than fear” – Ambrose Redmoon
"Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently" - Maya Angelou
“We can do anything we want if we stick to it long enough” – Helen Keller
“There is no armor like perseverance” – Sogyal Rinpoche
“The extent of the struggle determines the extent of the growth. The obstacle is an advantage, not an adversity. The enemy is any perception that prevents us from seeing this” – Ryan Holiday
“There is no failure except in no longer trying” – Elbert Hubbard
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time” – Thomas Edison
“The people who stick with things for years and never stop almost always win the race” – James Clear
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up" - Thomas Edison
"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did" - Newt Gingrich
"It always seems impossible until it's done" - Nelson Mandela
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill
“To fight for change tomorrow we need to build resilience today” – Sheryl Sandberg
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars” – Kahili Gibran
“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest steppingstones to success” – Dale Carnegie
“If you’re going through hell, keep going” – Winston Churchill
“I never lose. I either win or learn” – Nelson Mandela
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it” – Maya Angelou
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you … never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn"- Harriett Beecher Stowe
"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run" - Babe Ruth
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty” – Winston Churchill
“The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials” – Chinese Proverb
“Be fanatically positive and militantly optimistic. If something is not to your liking, change your liking” - Rick Steves
“I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else” – Winston Churchill
“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise” – Victor Hugo
“Optimism is a faith that leads to success” – Bruce Lee
“Believe you can and you’re half way there” – Theodore Roosevelt
“Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress” - Nicholas M. Butler
“Self-belief, optimism, and hard work, these things don’t guarantee to get any of us to the top, but they at least give us a fighting chance” - Jason Ayres
“True hopefulness and optimism is what leads one to dare. It is also what lifts one back up to dare again after a failed attempt” - Bibi Bourelly
“To lose patience is to lose the battle” – Mahatma Gandhi
“Patience is a virtue, and I’m learning patience. It’s a tough lesson” – Elon Musk
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished” – Lao Tzu
“Genius is eternal patience” – Michelangelo
“Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is ‘timing’. It waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” – Fulton J. Sheen
“Have patience, all things are difficult before they become easy” – Saadi
“Patience is not passive. On the contrary, it is concentrated strength” – Bruce Lee
“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet” - Aristotle
“Our patience will achieve more than our force” - Edmund Burke
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” - Leo Tolstoy
“It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die. Than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience” - Julius Caesar
“When you are able to maintain your own highest standards of integrity – regardless of what others may do – you are destined for greatness” – Napoleon Hill
“In looking for people to hire, look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence and energy. And if they don’t have the first, the other two will kill you” – Warren Buffett
“Integrity is the most valuable and respected quality of leadership. Always keep your word” – Brian Tracy
“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters” – Albert Einstein
“The time is always right to do what is right” – Martin Luther King Jr.
“It is better to deserve honors and not have them, than to have had them and not deserve it” – Mark Twain
“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching” – C. S. Lewis
"Power really is a test of character. In the hands of a person of integrity, it is of tremendous benefit; in the hands of a tyrant, it causes terrible destruction" - John Maxwell
"Honor your commitments with integrity" - Les Brown
"Integrity is the ingredient that will enable you to forge rapidly ahead on the highway that leads to success. It advertises you as being an individual who will always come through. Whatever you say you will do, do it even if you have to move heaven and earth" - Mary Kay Ash
"To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity" - Donald A. Adams
“True knowledge exists in knowing you know nothing”- Socrates
“Perfection is impossible without humility. Why should I strive for perfection if I am already good enough?” Leo Tolstoy
“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less” – Rick Warren
“Humility will open more doors than arrogance ever will” – Zig Ziglar
“Humility is the first step towards learning. You can’t learn until you are humble enough to realize there is something to learn” – Robert T. Kiyosaki
“Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right” – Erza Taft Benson
"Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real" - Thomas Merton
"Real genius is nothing else but the supernatural virtue of humility in the domain of thought" - Simone Weil
"Selflessness is humility....humility and freedom go hand in hand. Only a humble person can be free" - Jeff Wilson
"Only humility knows how to appreciate and admire the good qualities of others” - Sri Chinmoy
“Never be proud but show humility towards others, true wisdom lies in being humble” - Shri Radhe Maa
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion” – Dalai Lama
“Our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch” – Judy Blume
“Compassion is an action word with no boundaries” – Prince
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete” – Buddha
“Compassionate people are geniuses in the art of living, more necessary to the dignity, security and joy of humanity that the discoverers of knowledge” – Albert Einstein
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle” – Plato
“Compassion brings us to a stop, and for a moment we rise above ourselves” – Mason Cooley
“Until you have real compassion, you can not recognize love” - Robert Thurman
“Compassion is the greatest form of love humans have to offer” - Rachel Scott
“Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty” - Albert Einstein
“I believe in intuitions and inspirations…I sometimes feel that I am right. I do not know that I am” – Albert Einstein
“Intuition is for thinking what observation is for perception. Intuition and observation are the sources of our knowledge” – Rudolf Steiner
“When something feels off, it is” – Esther Hicks
“Follow your instincts. That’s where true wisdom manifests itself” – Oprah Winfrey
“Intuition is seeing with the soul” – Dean Koontz
“Faith is a passionate intuition” – William Wordsworth
“Intuition is a very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect” – Steve Jobs
“Don’t let the noise of others drown out your inner voice” – Steve Jobs
“Intuition is the discriminate faculty that enables you to decide which of two lines of reasoning is right. Perfect intuition makes you master of all” - Paramahansa Yogananda
“If the single man plant himself indomitably on his instincts, and there abide, the huge world will come round to him” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"All great men are gifted with intuition. They know without reasoning or analysis, what they need to know" - Alexis Carrel
“Respect yourself and others will respect you” – Confucious
“Be respectful. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. Respect the lowest rank and the highest rank and you’ll never get in trouble” – Alex Rodrguez
“Little people are indifferent. Superior people are caring” – Maxime Lagacé
“Respect is on of the greatest expressions of love” – Miguel Angel Ruiz
“Respect is how to treat everyone” – Richard Branson
“I speak to everyone the same way, whether he is the garbage man or president of the university” – Albert Einstein
“Respect your fellow human being, treat them fairly, disagree with them honestly, enjoy their friendship, explore your thoughts about one another candidly, work together for a common goal and help one another achieve it” – Bill Bradley
"When we respect someone, we are acknowledging and appreciating their role in society or in our life" - Jennifer Freed Ph. D.
“He who loves others is constantly loved by them. He who respects others is constantly respected by them” - Mencius
“Men are respectable only as they respect” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We hope you enjoyed this article and it proves beneficial towards your journey to success. We would love to hear your opinions on the quotes, our list of 11 traits, and also learn what qualities and characteristics you feel are important for a successful future. Share your opinions and feedback in our comments section below.
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We all hear stories about how famous, successful people failed over and over before they made it, but when you are truly chasing your dream you should not underestimate the fact that failures are inevitable and in many ways necessary. Overnight success stories are rare and often misleading, the normal route to success is through hard work, determination, persistence, creativity, flexibility and a little bit of luck and good timing. They key to getting through failure is to view it as a necessary part of learning. Try to fail quickly, and make sure you get yourself back up and persevere. Look on the bright side – you now know one more thing not to do.
Just in case failure starts inciting fear or lowers your motivation at any stage, refer to some of these examples for reassurance that even the very best fail before they make it:
A close relative of failure, rejection is another inevitability of progress and success. It’s something we all experience at various stages and it can impact multiple parts of our lives. Dealing effectively with rejection and not allowing it to block progress it is a skill in its own right and one that will bring you huge benefits if you can master it.
When dealing with rejection you should allow yourself some slack to process the situation, feel the emotions you need to feel and reignite your self-confidence and self-esteem ready to go again. Try not to always take rejection personally, as there will be many occasions that isn’t actually about you. It can also often help to surround yourself with positive influences, friends and family at difficult times. Remember that rejection is an inevitable part of your learning and take some comfort from the following well known examples:
No matter how confident a person you are and how healthy your self-esteem, there will likely be times that you will doubt yourself or your abilities. These occasions may be triggered by an event (perhaps a failure or rejection as we covered above) or just rear their ugly head at unexpected times or for unexpected reasons. When these moments of self-doubt arise, often a good place for you to start your recovery is by exercising some self-compassion. You are human after all and so vulnerability and doubt are normal and to be expected at times, this does not make you weak.
Whilst self-compassion is healthy, don’t allow it to spill over into self-pity or a long-term barrier to progress. Use the self-doubt as a wake-up call to boost your self-awareness, ensure that you are not delaying progress by needing the validation of others, and reach out for the help and support you need to get you back on track as soon as possible. This is often easier said than done, but there will come a time when you need to take action to combat self-doubt, and no-one said that success was going to be easy. Rise up to the challenge, you are capable, you just need to re-start believing that you are again.
This is a bit of a double edged sword because the opinions of others can be positive or negative, and either way, they can both boost or decelerate your progress and motivation. For example, sometimes a negative opinion can kill your morale, but sometimes it can give you extra energy to prove people wrong. A positive opinion can give you a confidence boost or make you complacent. It depends on the circumstances and what kind of person you are.
Confusing right, so what should you do? Well if you listen to the advice of the majority of successful people, you need to focus on your own vision and opinions, whilst drowning out most of the noise around you. Caring too much about what other people think can cause unnecessary distractions and emotional roadblocks. Self-validation is the only kind of validation that you truly need.
Remember that you will never please everybody and there is nothing wrong with that, we are all unique individuals with our own subjective viewpoints and beliefs. It’s also ok to make mistakes as you follow your vision, but you will learn and quicker and beat yourself up much less if your mistakes are based on your own beliefs and actions as opposed to being influenced too much by others.
There is an easy way out of this one – never stop learning. This doesn’t just mean learning from your mistakes, but also making a conscious effort to use the resources available to you to keep proactively and consistently learning. Even if you are an expert in your field, remember that the world is evolving at an astounding rate and make sure that you don’t get left behind or miss the opportunities for innovation out of complacency.
There are so many ways to learn in the modern world – physical books, e-books, audiobooks, podcasts, online videos/tutorials and endless classroom training courses for anything you can imagine, both physical and digital. There are no real excuses to stop learning, make the time for it.
If you are ever unsure about what to learn next, then think about what challenges you have faced or are likely to face in the future. These challenges may hinder your progress if you don't increase your knowledge sufficiently to deal with them when they arise. For additional inspiration then check out our blog post on 28 books to help you become successful.
We obviously had to include this to create synergy for our brand, but it is a legitimate obstacle. Fear of the unknown is a common phobia, but it affects us all in different extremes, under different circumstances. As human beings we unfortunately can’t control the future, but we can increase our chances of having a successful future by taking the appropriate steps. Teach yourself to see the future with optimism instead of fear, no matter what the current circumstances. Practicing meditation can help re-align your mindset to be more positive and overcome some anxieties. Two other ways you can help yourself see the future more positively is to learn to embrace change and see failure as a real but acceptable risk. If you really consider your worst-case scenario a couple of years in the future, you will often find the scenario you are imagining is incredibly unlikely, would be temporary even if it happened and you will be able to recover from it. Never view future risks or failures as permanent, thoughts like that will only hold you back unnecessarily.
There are so many challenges we face in life that we could comfortably add another 10 points to this article, but to keep it focused we will stop at these 6 common obstacles for the time being. To end on a positive note let's take a look at some overcoming obstacles quotes for a boost of motivation and inspiration:
"In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity" - Albert Einstein
"We develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and obstacles" - Stephen Covey
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle" - Christian D. Larson
"The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it" - Moliere
"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it" - Henry Ford
"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it or work around it" - Michael Jordan
We hope you have enjoyed this article and we would love to hear from you on the topic of overcoming challenges or adversity. Share examples of challenges you have overcome in our comment box below.
]]>The science of success is complicated, and it’s no secret that successful people dedicate a significant amount of their time to learning and reading. In order to give you a helping hand, we have shortlisted 28 success books to read.
We believe that it is worth everyone reading these books to help increase your chances of achieving success:
Regarded as one of the most groundbreaking and timeless bestsellers of all time when it comes to learning about how to be successful, How to Win Friends & Influence People will teach you many useful techniques including: six ways to make people like you, twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking and nine ways to change people without arousing resentment. With more than 15 million copies sold, if you are keen on achieving your maximum potential then we can safely say that this book is essential reading
Tim Ferriss’ bestselling book will talk you through how to master time and mobility to create yourself a luxury lifestyle under your own rules, working from anywhere. Want to learn how to eliminate 50% of your work in 48 hours, how to train your boss to value performance over presence or how to create a meaningful life after removing work and the office? Then read this book.
In the original book published in 1937, Napoleon Hill draws on stories of Andrew Carnegie, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, and other millionaires of his generation to illustrate his principles of what makes a winner. The updated version anecdotes of how contemporary millionaires and billionaires, such as Bill Gates, Mary Kay Ash, Dave Thomas, and Sir John Templeton achieved their wealth.
A fantastic read that teaches you how to do things less wastefully whilst still aiming big. If you have ever heard the terms MVP (minimum viable product) or pivoting in a business context then it’s likely come from this book. The Lean Start-Up challenges the traditional ways of doing business by favouring experimentation over elaborate planning and customer feedback over intuition.
Another staple book in the personal collections of many successful people, Good to Great, examines how some companies transition from good to great companies and why many fail to make the transition successfully. A thoroughly interesting read that is bound to add value to your knowledge bank.
The title of this book does a pretty good job of setting you up for what it’s about. Having sold more than 25 million copies worldwide, in his book Covey presents an approach to being effective in attaining goals by aligning oneself to what he calls "true north" principles. His 7 habits will open you up to the concepts of moving from dependence to independence, interdependence and continuous improvement.
Praised by Forbes as one of the greatest self-help books, The Magic of Thinking Big explores how to get the most out of your job, your marriage, family life and community. Schwarz suggests that learning, understanding and visualizing the ways to get yourself to great success are more important than being an intellectual or having an innate talent.
If you let the little things in life drive you crazy then this book is a must read for you. Richard Carlson thoughtfully shares techniques to help you calm down and better manage your fast-paced and stress filled life. Key learnings from this book will include how to see your problems as teachers, doing things one step at a time and learning to trust your intuitions.
Confused by the title? Eat That Frog provides you with 21 ways to help avoid procrastination and achieve more. The title comes from the famous Mark Twain saying “eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” The idea is to accomplish your worst or most difficult tasks first thing as it might have the greatest positive impact on your life.
This book takes you through Laura Vanderkam’s studies of successful people and their thought-provoking routine’s and prioritizations. If you feel that you may be able to get more out of your days or take a greater advantage of mornings, then this book is for you. You should also check out our blog on a morning routine for success.
Another international bestseller on our list and written by the winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, Daniel Kahneman. In his book Kahneman summarizes decades of research including his work on cognitive biases, prospect theory and happiness. The central theme of the book focuses on two modes of thought: 1. fast, instinctive and emotional 2. Slower, logical and more deliberate.
Described as the ‘story of success’, Outliers examines a number of success stories including how Bill Gates achieved extreme wealth, and how the Beatles became one of the most successful music acts in history. Throughout his examination on what factors contribute the most to success, Gladwell raises some unexpected suggestions and tackles what he alludes to as misconceptions of success. If you want to know why the majority of Canadian Ice Hockey players are born in the first few months of the calendar year, why 10,000 hours is a key to expertise or why smarts, ambition and hard work may not be enough for success then you need to pick up this book.
Endorsed by Oprah Winfrey and having sold over 32 million copies, Rich Dad Poor Dad is a highly successful book that advocates the importance of financial literacy, financial intelligence and financial independence. It encourages the building of wealth through starting businesses, investing in assets and real-estate and increasing your financial IQ. You are sure to pick up some lessons that will serve you well in the pursuit of success by reading this book.
Tony Robbins is a famous motivational speaker and author that most people who take an interest in personal development will be aware of. He has written a number of bestselling books and throughout ‘Awaken the Giant Within’, Robbins shares his strategies and techniques for mastering your emotions, your body, your relationships, your finances and your life. If you want help discovering your purpose and taking control of your life then this is a highly recommended read.
If you are interested in investing in the stock market, then you need to add this book to your reading list. Benjamin Graham is often refereed to as the ‘Father of Value Investing’ and his principles have inspired the success of many famous investors still in operation today. Don’t let the whims of ‘Mr. Market’ effect your intelligent investing decisions, familiarize yourself with Graham’s principles instead.
Regarded as a classic of financial advice, The Richest Man in Babylon shares its advice through a collection of parables set 4,000 years ago in ancient Bablyon. Read to discover the “Seven Cures” (how to generate wealth), the “Five Laws of Gold” (how to protect and invest wealth) and the importance of “paying yourself first”, “living within your means” and “investing in what you know”.
The full title of this book is ‘You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life.’ Pretty self-explanatory in it’s objective. Jen Sincero is best-selling author and renowned success coach and throughout this book shares inspiring stories, advice and exercises packaged together with a refreshing wit and the occasional profanity to keep you engaged. Read to help identify and change beliefs or behaviours that may prevent you getting what you want.
Sinek is a well-known, British born, American author and motivational speaker. His work on motivation is highly regarded internationally and in ‘Start with Why’ Sinek explores how great leaders inspire everyone to take action. Is manipulation or inspiration a more effective from of influencing human behaviour? What is it that inspires people to take action? Read the book to find out.
Another great business orientated publication, in this book Godin explores a world in which he sees creative advertising as less effective because of clutter and advertising avoidance. With this presumption in mind, Godin argues that to gain attention you need a remarkable product and to market it in a remarkable way. The book contains concepts, examples and a great ten-point check list to help you out.
A great self-empowerment read with an honest, tough-love approach. This straight forward handbook might be just what you need to lose the demons holding you back and become a truly unfu*ked version of yourself. Give this book a read and let Bishop alleviate your excuses, reduce your self-negativity and lead you through a series of helpful assertions.
A fantastic read for those of you interested in psychology. Cialdini is a Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University and throughout this book he investigates the key wys that people canbe influenced by ‘Compliance Professionals.’ Reading this will help you understand why people tend to make generalizations and how they can be exploited to influence others by those that know how.
In this bestseller, Duhigg explores the ‘habit loop’ and examines the science behind habit creation and reformation. Whether you have an interest in correcting or profiting from cravings, addictions and general bad habits, this book will guide you through the principles of successful habit change and keystone habits.
A truly famous Chinese military text, the Art of War can teach you principles that will help you far beyond planning for warfare (which is something we hope you will never need). Although the work dates to 5th Century BC, the Art of War remains the most influential strategy text in East Asian warfare and has influenced global military thinking, business tactics, legal strategy and lifestyle.
This particular bestseller can be a little more polarizing versus some of the others on our list, but it’s known to be popular amongst celebrities and prison inmates. It’s influence has been noted by people including 50 Cent (who actually collaborated with Greene to release ‘The 50th Law’), Busta Rhymes, Jay Z, Kanye West and Drake. There are many critics of this book that suggest the laws contradict each other or are not fully relevant to the modern world, but nevertheless this is an interesting read and if you can take away a few principles that are valid and will help you then its worth the time investment.
Another New York Times #1 bestseller, Zero to One presents new ways for you to think about innovation. By reading this book you can expect to learn to ask questions that will lead you to find value in unexpected places and be introduced to the idea that the real innovators of the future won’t be improving the familiar but creating the unique.
Written by Clayton M. Christensen, a businessman and Harvard professor, this book explores the concept of how disruptive technologies can cause outstanding companies to lose market share or fail due to unexpected competitors taking over the market. For reassurance of the book’s credentials know that it led to Christensen receiving the Global Business Book Award and the book was also named by The Economist as one of the six most important books about business ever written.
The only memoir to make it on this list, Shoe Dog chronicles the amazing journey of Phil Knight and Nike, from its early struggles to the global, dominating behemoth it is today. Knight is known for being media shy but in his book gives a refreshingly honest account of the struggles of growing a business. Bill gates praised this book as one of his favourite books of 2016 and also praised Knight for opening up in ways that few CEO’s are willing to do.
The second fantastic book by Seth Godin on our list, Tribes explores the human psyche and it’s need for belonging, connection and leadership. Godin argues that a tribe is any collection of people that are connected to one another, a leader and an idea. The book will open you up to the concept that you don’t need to be ordained or a CEO to be a leader, but people who genuinely desire a beneficial change will collect followers.
We hope these books help with tips and inspiration for your future success. For more tips and information on achieving success, read our post on what is success according to you.
Happy reading and comment below if any of these books have helped you along the way, or if you think we have missed off any killer books that everyone should read in order to increase chances of success.
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Let’s start with dictionary definitions. They tend to be split into two main definitions:
Both seem viable ways to generally define success, but the fact is that as with many things in life the definition that is most appropriate will depend on context, circumstance and subjective opinion.
Can you be deemed successful if you are not wealthy or powerful? I would argue that in many cases that can be a resounding yes. If you were born into poverty for example and fought throughout your life against all odds to be able to live with stability and integrity then I think there would be very few people that would question the success of your achievements.
On the other hand, if you achieved great wealth but lost most of your fortune through poor decisions and judgment, would you still be considered successful if you were left with $1m in the bank? You are still wealthier than the vast majority of the population so does that meant you are still successful? Would you be deemed unsuccessful due to the loss? Does money even truly matter in the definition of success?
I’ll leave some of these questions as rhetorical, not due to the reluctance of having an opinion (I’ll give my personal view on success later), but more down to the fact these questions are primarily meant to get you thinking about what success means according to you.
Many people I asked about success when writing this article mentioned words like happiness, security, liberty, family, health, love and marriage. As noble as these sound, the human psyche seems too complex to not consider some more polarizing words (that were also regularly mentioned) such as wealth, status, fame, power and sexual satisfaction.
So what is the answer for success when it comes to men? Is there a killer definition or a list that is likely to gain the agreement of the great majority? Highly unlikely, but I will nevertheless share my personal opinion. An opinion that I have evolved throughout my life and ultimately played a part in the inspiration to start The Unknown.
Just before I share, I wanted to give a little additional context and background. I was once advised in a work situation that employees are able to add the most value when their short-term objectives are aligned with their long-term aspirations. This really stuck with me. It’s a concept that I believed in beforehand, but I had never heard it explained so concisely in one sentence.
Part of the beauty of measuring your own progress against ‘aspirations’ is that it allows for personal subjectivity and flexibility for change. Our aspirations will differ significantly from one another and may change over time so an overly specific and stationary definition for something like success will never work. I included this concept into my previous beliefs and research on the topics of success, happiness and self-esteem.
And so as promised, here is the way that I have come to personally define success:
“The fulfillment of one’s genuine aspirations, achieved in a way that aligns with our internal values and beliefs”.
I’m going to elaborate a little on this for clarity. I believe that:
So how does this measure up against your beliefs of success? This is what my experience has led me to believe at this stage of my life, and it is what I currently measure myself and my progress against.
If it’s a useful guide to help you understand what would make you feel successful and fulfilled then I’m thrilled. I hope it at least gets you thinking about what success is according to you and a set of measures on which to sense check whether you are on track to be the person you wanted to be.
Now that I have shared my opinions on how to define success, lets round off this article by considering the definition of success according to some highly successful people you may have heard of:
"Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill
"I measure success by how many people love me.” - Warren Buffet
“If you carefully consider what you want to be said of you in the funeral experience you will find your definition of success.” - Stephen Covey
"True success should be measured by how happy you are.” - Richard Branson
"It’s about the difference you make in people’s lives.” - Barack Obama
"Peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you're capable.” - John Wooden
“Success is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration.” - Thomas Edison
I hope this article has helped you to understand or confirm what success is to you and I would love to hear opinions and feedback on this topic so feel free to share in the comments section below.
Please note that comments are mediated to prevent obscenity and inappropriate content, but challenging our viewpoints is welcome and comments will always be published if relevant and written in an appropriate manner.
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